Love Letters to an Anxious Brain, Part Three: The Mind

Dear Anxious Brain,

First, do not lose hope.  Despair will tell you there is nothing to be done, that this is just the way things are.  It’s not true.  You, most of all, have the power to change your life.  It is very simple but very difficult: all you have to do is change your mind.

“Great!” you say.  “I’ve calmed my body and made sure I get enough sleep, exercise, and food.  What next?”

Next, we pay attention to our minds.

Interrupt the Feedback Loop

We tend to think of our thoughts, feelings, and actions as separate arenas, but they create a feedback loop.  What we think about an event colours how we feel about it and how we respond to it.  Our actions inspire thoughts that drive even more feelings until we feel trapped by the monologue running in our heads.  The good news is that we can intervene at any point in the cycle and drive it in a new direction.  We started doing that when we paid attention to our bodies and chose actions that would make us feel calmer and more in control; we can also choose thoughts that will make us feel calmer and more in control.

Separate Yourself from Your Thoughts

Know that you are not your thoughts, you are not your emotions.  They are experiences you have, but they are not You.  Take a step back and watch your thoughts.  Do you will them to appear?  As you watch the next thought, and the next, let them pass over you like clouds in the sky.  Where did they come from?  Where do they go? Where do they come from, Cotton Eyed Joe? Your thoughts and emotions are your own personal weather system, but they are not you.

Try Mindfulness

Once you think of your thoughts as separate from yourself -- as something you have rather than something you are -- you can start to live more mindfully.  You’ve probably heard the word mindfulness, but maybe not what it means.  It’s not as mystical as it sounds, but it is just as powerful.  It means to pay attention on purpose to the present moment without judgement.

It sounds simple to stay in the present moment, but most of the time we are anywhere but.  We are continually travelling through time: revisiting the past (what I ate for dinner, where I was this time last year, every stupid thing I’ve said for the past thirty years) or forecasting the future (what will happen when? What will they say if? What should I do?)

Stay Present

The thing is, if you are ever going to be calm and content, you are going to feel these things in a now.  You can’t feel things in a then or a later.  You can think about then and later, but everything you feel is happening now.

Let Go of Comparison

Once you can stay in the present, even for a moment, you can work on releasing your judgement.  We always feel pressure to have an opinion about everything, but we don’t need to.  We can especially let go of comparing yourself to others.  It doesn’t matter if someone is more successful that you, or if someone has it worse than you and therefore more of a right to feel miserable.

Notice the Good

When we aren’t time travelling or judging, our minds can experience gratitude.  Not in the ‘you have it so good, you should feel guilty about your feelings of anxiety’ way, but in a real, hopeful, calm way.  Gratitude encourages us to notice those things that are good.  We are biased in favour of noticing the negative (another dubious inheritance from our ancestors).  But if we prime our brain for noticing the positive, we can counteract this tendency and put ourselves in a more positive state of mind. 

“Great,” you say, “I’m working on staying in the present, on noticing how I think and feel with gratitude rather than judgement.  What next?”

Next, we look at our relationships, the systems of support we need and can turn to for love and guidance. 

Tune in (when) for the next installment of Love Letters to an Anxious Brain to learn more.

Ya Boi,

Ms. Sharpe